01 December, 2009 <3
Went exhibition visiting with Fern today. Went to many, many places.
Walked to Little India after visiting the exhibits at Supreme Court.
Got mad at Zen today. He's getting more and more possessive. Is he starting to feel insecure? I don't like it when he questions me. Told him off. Should have talked to him in a nicer manner, but I was so angry, he actually called 4 times in one hour asking me where I was, who I was with. ANGRY!
Hopefully he'll change this habit. :(
After shopping with Fern, went to have Chinese dim sum. Had the xiao long bao Nic introduced. Still as nice. ^^
Walking the whole day makes me feel very very exhausted. But I'm still contended.
Starting to feel reminded of my single life. Am I giving up too much for Zen?
Someone kept coming into my mind today. What am I supposed to do?
Feeling so confused.
Tonight will be the night I fall for you all over again.Our Endless Love<3
2:01 AM
29 November, 2009 <3
Thought of many things recently. Enjoyed the company of someone these few days..
But that led me ventured through my past. The pain that I went through. The people that I was with. The people I once loved. The people I missed. Those I cared for. Those that were once important to me.
Am I ready to embrace the past? I have been running away. But now I'm forced to face it. Am I able to handle it? How am I supposed to balance the past and the future? What will come out of this story? I really wonder..
Which is more important? Am I really ready to commit? Am I ready to leave my future in the hands of someone else? Is it love or is it companionship? Am I just seeing what I want to see? Or, is it true, that you'll really be the one.. There for me, always, for my heart and soul. Someone who'll never leave through my ups and downs... Or am I just dreaming....
Give me the strength to believe. Help me clear my doubts. Let me hide my pain.
You're still the one that holds my hand when I'm scared.
You're still the one who protected me when I'm afraid.
You're still the one who'll watch over me when I'm out of my comfort zone.
But you're still the one who made my heart break.
You're like a never ending dream. But I still wanna be with you.Our Endless Love<3
3:18 AM
30 September, 2009 <3
It's been a long long long long time since I last blogged!
Been busy with many things recently, hardly have time mood and time to update.
Did a moon cake festival event over the weekend, invited Prisca to help me out with a bunny mascot costume. Will upload the photos within this week.
Currently preparing for VFTG 2009, we will be performing at the Arts House! Our 1st and 2nd shows will be in mid December. This time, instead of running one or two shows at theatres, we are finding ourselves a permanent performing place!
Oh yea, this morning there was a 8 magnitude earthquake hitting Samoa. And just 2 hours ago, there was another earthquake (7.6 magnitude) in Southern Sumatra, with the ripples travelling all the way to K.L. My office was shaking really badly.
Let's pray hard that there aren't any casualties....
Loving you with every beat of my heart. <3
Our Endless Love<3
7:19 PM
17 February, 2009 <3
Valentine's day was last Saturday. I have to admit, I was envious of those girls with pretty bouquet of flowers and boxes of chocolates. I was staring at roses and admiring those delicate petals... Zen asked "will you regret being with me?"
In the morning of Valentines' day, me and Zen attended Yong Lin's solemnization. It was so touching! Many memories came flooding back to me. I remembered Yong Lin used to pick me from school every day when I was in Primary 2. I remembered he was the one who would apply medication for me whenever I fell and get wounded. I remembered him sacrificing his colour pencils to me because I lost my set. In memories, he's that brother that always protects me.
When it was time for the bride to toss the bouquet, it nearly got me! I was so surprised, I moved back instead. Zen was saying "it's okay what, just catch!" Haha. The thought of marriage came into my mind while waiting for the bride to toss the bouquet. It's so romantic to get engaged on Valentines' day! (:
After that, me and Zen went for Swensens to have ice cream.. *Loves ice cream..
Zen was so busy with his phone that I had to shop on my own.. I got so upset because his phone just won't stop ringing! Spoiled my mood for shopping.. There were so many people who wanted to meet us, like his aunt, my mother and all. We cannot seem to have a peaceful valentines' day. Even when he told me that we are not celebrating, I just smiled and said it's okay. But, we cannot even spend the day in PEACE!
Getting fed up, we went home instead. He had to prepare for his performance anyway. So, I stayed in his room and watched an episode of Qing dynasty's history documentary. Was so bored that I fell asleep....
Left his house and headed to Jurong west for his performance at 6pm. We took the train to Chua Chu Kang and hopped onto a taxi. The MRT was filled with couples, holding flowers, presents and they were dressed specially for that day.. I was craving for flowers too. ):
After his performance, we went to Lot 1, supposed to have dinner. Zen apologised to me and he bought me a single toy rose. It costs less than $10, but it made me so thrilled! I realised that it's not the flowers, it's not the chocolates, it's not the presents. It's the love, it's mutual understanding and it's the thought.
We ordered our favourite fried chicken wings from the coffee shop near his house and bought a bottle of sparkling fruit wine from Shop and save, went home and enjoyed "Valentine's day dinner," with him by my side, in the little room shared by us, in that little space that belongs to us. My heart filled with contentment.
Zen promised me a proper and special Valentine's day next year.
Of course I won't regret. I love you, and I'm happy just to have you here.
The value of a gift is not weighed by the price, but the sincerity.Our Endless Love<3
4:22 PM
04 February, 2009 <3
Here to rant.......
I find that there are many things I am dissatisfied about and I kept complaining about them. It's not that I really cannot accept those things, just that I feel better after complaining. It's not that bad sometimes....
Anyway, it's a tough time of my life right now. I am being forced to give up something that I really want and it's something that means very much to me. I know that I can still get it few years down the road, but giving up seems to be a very difficult thing to so.
I've tried speaking to Zen about it, because I needed someone to hear my complaints, but he just gave me a very straightforward solution. Well, I do not really need an idea of what I should do or what am I supposed to be doing. I know very well what's happening, and it's crashing down on me. Therefore I wish he can be there to listen to my rants.
I tried so hard to fake a smile today, and I failed. He kept asking me what's wrong, but I cannot seem to bring myself to tell him. I can't seem to take it, I know what his reaction will be. I know he will ask me to forget about it, let it go and blah blah blah. I know all these very well, I can even spell them backwards. But that's not what I need to know, I am not asking questions.. I just want someone to confide into, and I wish it's the person I love. Is it a very difficult request?
Whenever I complaint, it might not be because I am affected by it. I is just a remark or a simple comment. Why does he have to read so deep into it and deem that I am being bothered by things around me? I'm so puzzled.
I need to go somewhere alone and cry my heart out. I mean it. Before I break down and go crazy. I'm soooooooooo devastated right now and I wish he can hear my voice.
I need some time alone. I don't want to fake a smile and act as though nothing is happening, nothing is bothering me. I have troubles too, I can't be happy everyday. Life is not a bed of roses, and I am facing this fact. It's harsh on me and I wish you'd be there. Don't expect me to smile and laugh all the time, be bubbly and cheerful everyday, because I am human, I have emotions.
There's a voice within me, and it's screaming for help. But you can't seem to hear it no matter how loud it tries to shout. It's hurting me badly.
Save me. Bring me out of this fucking mess.
欲哭无泪的滋味。。。Our Endless Love<3
1:32 AM
16 January, 2009 <3
Here to do spring cleaning for my poor abandoned blog. Hehehe. Sorry ah, haven't been updating for more than a month. How time flies!
Holiday season is the peak period for events, not doubt the economic is affecting my job, but I am still holding on. I picked up a part time as a manicurist at Yishun, so that I can earn a more stable income, other than eating on my commission. I guess I still need a consistent income. What if I couldn't close any deals in the upcoming months?
So much has happened in the past two months, I have been to Penang with him twice, and we are planning for our Kuching trip on Feb 23 to 26 with his Teacher and my mother. There to take some time off from our busy schedules, breathe in some fresh air, relax a little. After that, we will be trudging on our roads, overcome many many obstacles to come and working doubly hard to get over the bad times of the economy. Though it's going to be tough (it has been, for the past few weeks), I believe that we are still going to be happy, spending time together and we will still be sharing lots of love and laughter.
Sometimes, I feel that sorry seems to be the hardest to be said, out of so many words. A joke can really prick the heart. Even after telling that person, he doesn't seem to be sorry about it. Sorry doesn't mean that you are at fault, it sometimes ease the pain and it makes others feel slightly better. Is it a problem of pride and self esteem? I think so. Maybe I should do a research on it for my assignment.
I am content anyway. We have to be satisfied with what we have before we lose what's before our eyes.
Maybe, I should be happy with the way Zen makes me upset at times. At least he's loyal, he doesn't smoke, drink, gamble and flirt. Haha. Though he's been pissing me off rather often recently, I guess it adds a different kind of colour to my life. Better than nothing eh. (:
Angel or devil? Doesn't matter. I love you anyways.
It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happinessOur Endless Love<3
1:23 AM
02 November, 2008 <3
Currently at Zen's house, blogging. LOL. I'm still breaking my head on my assignments, they are like so simple yet so difficult.
Anyways, it's weekend! And I had a great time today, from waking up early and fresh, left house with Zen and went to his house after buying lunch for his family members.
Chilled at his place and accompanied him to Choa Chu Kang for a performance, and his usual impromptu irks me. Hah, he's always changing songs at the very last minute!
After his gig, we went to lakeside to collect his latest "General" costume. I think I was more excited then he was. His attitude was like "better not carry too much hopes." But in the end, the costume looked good on him. *winks.
Went for dinner at sembawang in the evening after purchasing tickets to M'sia. Was with his aunt, uncle, mom and two cousins (who are watching me blog right now). It was that typical family dinner, and I really think it's fun. I may sound weird, but I never had the feeling of a family. As I watched Zen's uncle taking care of the two kids, it really made me smile.
I feel so contented. From the way his mom smiles, from the way his aunt dotes on us, from the laughter's from his cousins, I've never felt so warm.
Happiness surrounds me.
I'm with you, always.Our Endless Love<3
12:02 AM
29 October, 2008 <3
Voices from the Gramophone 2008 (VFTG 2008) was a great sucess! Thanks for all who have supported and those who participated in the production!
I had great fun and learned alot during the process of this production, though it started off with a BANG (well, the 1m mirror ball fell from the flybar) and it ended off with a bang too! We were featured again on 95.8fm last night.
Through this production, I had the chance to meet many new friends and learned different things from different people. There's somebody I especially wanna highlight, HOCK HOE! He's always busy and don't really have time to talk after bumping into esplanade on the 23rd. He's patient and always there when you shout "HOCK HOE!" Without him, the production will be in a big mess. I had a great time working together with him and learning a lot from him. From artiste liaison to coordination. He's always there with advises too.
Also, through this production, I saw the true colours of the people around me, I realised how much my aunt loves and care for me, I saw the spirit of friends and family, also, I saw how jealousy can get people aggressive and detestable. I am thankful that through this production I saw the real side of someone..... okay.. here's some ranting..
Why did you have to cook up stories and spoil the relationship I have with others? I can't believe you actually did such a thing to me. Do you even regard me as a sister at all? How could you even try to spoil my relationship with Zen? Do you know how much it means to me? How could you use other people's names in your own lies and make them sound true? How can you put words into other's mouths and relate it to somebody else, and this particular person is so important to me? Are you dumb or something? How could you say things that are not true just because you want him to sympathize with you?
You wanted the authority that I had and you wanted to be in control of situations. Why didn't you consider why are you not the one in charge in the first place? Did you reflect on your own behavior? Why should you be in charge when you did not show your capabilities? Say, IF you do have the capabilities and that you are better than me in any other way, why were you not chosen? Is it because the producer and director likes me more or was it because they know that you are not suitable for the job?
Also, please listen to instructions if you do not want to get scolded. Not that I wanted to raise my voice at you, but next time, please revise the situation before asking stupid questions. I do not have time to entertain your nonsense. You did not go according to my plan and did opposite of what I asked you to, in the end you caused a whole lot of trouble for me. Because of you I had to face a lot of questions. You messed up my FOH and you put the blame on me. You used vulgarities in front of the esplanade staffs and you showed a bad attitude to me in front of everyone. After which, you bad mouthed me to my boyfriend.
You even asked mom to let you be in charge on the 25th. Do you know why mom forbade you to turn up in the end? Ask yourself! Did you even know what you were doing? You threw mom's face! Just because you are my brother I should let you handle my work? You think that you are my brother so I should listen to you in everything that you say?
During work, whoever you are, you will have to obey your authority's instructions, even my aunt listen to my instructions and did not say a single thing, who are you to say a word? You even told aunty Sebena that you wanna slap me? Look what's right and what's wrong. You think aunt wants to shout at you too? That's because of what you said to her!
Also, I am so disappointed in the way Zen handled the situation. You should have known me better and not believed in my brother's cooked up tale! Am I that sort of person to you in the first place? Do you think I will shout in the first place? Even my aunt knows that I won't throw a tantrum. You think aunty Sebena will speak ill of me to my brother? She's an adult, if I did something wrong, she will come directly to me and will not say anything to my brother.
But that's not it, why can't you stand up for me when someone else speaks ill of me? Why can't you speak up for me when somebody else is maligning me? It hurts real bad. Even if I am in the wrong, can't you be there to say something for me? Moreover, I did not do anything wrong at all! Instead, you doubted me and you wanted me to apologise to all of them. It was just a tale spun by him, and you didn't believe me..... Do you know how much it hurts? It sent a chill to my heart!
Even after aunty Sebena clarified the matter to you, you don't even bother to apologise to me. Am I such a bad girl that you cannot speak up for me? So you think it's true that all of them will say those things to my brother and that they will critisize me behind my back? They are close family friends and they watch me grow up. When I am at fault, do you think they will not come straight to me and let me know?
It's pure disappointment!
Anyway, the second day of the event was great! Everything was fine, without somebody messing things up. Also, Zen's mom and his aunt came to watch the concert! Saw his mom for the first time. I was so nervous!
After the concert, I felt so contented and satisfied. I was so happy that the concert ended sucessfully! Went for supper at rangoon road with all the crew and production members, had a great time chatting and eating. Reached home at 4 in the morning and slept like a baby.
On Sunday, went to Ming Yue's wedding at her hubby's house. Her wedding costume was so nice! The traditional chinese costume. And her hubby's doggies are soooo cute. One called cartoon and the other called maggie. Cartoon is chubby and have curls like Zen! (:
After the wedding, met Zen, his aunt, his mom and two of his little cousins at AMK Hub. Had dinner and walked around AMK for awhile. I took a train back home around 9.30pm. On my way back, Zen was like telling me "You passed." LOL. As though I was sitting for an exam.
On Monday, deepavali, went to Zen's house for the first time. His mom initially wanted to cook for me, but didn't cos the market was closed, so she decided to cook on wednessday instead. We ended eating out at Causeway Point, had a great time with Zen and his mom. He will be bringing me back to Penang on 14th November to attend his best friend's wedding. I'm looking forward to that! ^^
That's all for now.. Need to continue with my assignment!
Through thick and thin, I'm with you.Our Endless Love<3
5:51 AM
20 October, 2008 <3
Starting school today! Also, first full rehearsal in the studio today. SOOOOOO excited! No Monday blues! Just hope that this week goes well for me, cos the concert is this week, Friday and Saturday. We will be bumping into esplanade for rehearsals and set up on Thursday, which is also, a school day. =.='' really wonder if I can cope..
So, I really hope and pray that this week will pass smoothly. >.<
Don't wanna breakdown before Saturday. I'm tired to the extreme, I'm soooooooooooo sleepy and I cannot seem to focus. Luckily I have some time to blog, for me to de-stress. LOL.
Been really busy in the office, coordinating with Esplanade, Stage Manager, Producer, Artistes and many many many other crews. Most importantly, TICKETING. Please do do do support! Tickets available at all sistic outlets, "Voices From the Gramophone."
But our ticket sales have been picking up since we were featured on "Good Morning Singapore" last week. It was so fun to be in Media corp studios! We were recorded 'live' and it was really awesome. Their crews were so professional and the hosts were so good in talking.
Last week was really a fruitful week, learned alot of things from production meetings at the Esplanade, working with the stage manager, going to the TV Station and managing the tickets. Though tiring, but it's enriching. I will savour each and every moment to rest after this week. (Though looks like I won't have much)
Fun fun and more fun, here I come! (:
Four more days to the BIG day, "Voices From the Gramophone."
Passion is burning. Love is strengthening. Life is enriching. I am growing....Our Endless Love<3
11:12 AM
05 October, 2008 <3
I can't seem to differentiate excuses from reasons. Are things the way it seems or are there loopholes that I cannot see.
I am so sick of being a reason, I am feeling tired of it. It's beginning to become an excuse to me. I am so sick and tired of being the subject of quarrels as well as the "reason" for certain acts.
I need to live for myself, not for the world. I just wanna be myself, an 18 year old teenager who is schooling, having fun and doing things that I will regret in the future. But why, is my road planned accordingly but most likely not able to proceed with?
I am taught to make my own decisions and plan the road ahead of me. But everytime, when I make certain decisions or when I say something, it doesn't seem to be respected and treated right? So, what's the point of making such decisions at all?
You were the one who told me, not to worry and go ahead to do whatever that I like. Even if I fall, I am still young and able to stand up all over again. Yet you are also the one who spoiled my dreams, you ruined my hopes and my motivations. Don't you see? It's all because I love you and respect you.
But i am sick and tired.
I wanna run away.
I know I can't.
*Hide. That's the only thing to do.Our Endless Love<3
11:34 PM
