16 September, 2007 <3
Caught friday late night movie at marina gv - The Home Song Stories. Great movie.
Illustrates the love of a family, a single mother who was a singer. I watched a film like watching my life, the familiar scenes, the familiar words and feelings felt. Love that show, would give it a 4.5 stars rating. I practically cried from 1/3 of the movie till the end. The ending was really touching. Please watch it if you are considering catchnig a movie!!
My Saturday turned out quiet other than the fact of being nagged from the moment I open my eyes till now. Slept in late till noon, had lunch with mom and my bro. Was alright, help my mom do some errands and chores, did some paperwork. Thinking that, since I will be starting work next week and I will have to move to Jurong, better do something to make my mom happy.
That was my saturday. Clement asked me for a Saturday late night movie, but I have to wake up early later to attend some programme at AMK. Hosting at Bukit Merah C.C in the night too. Hopefully the wound doesn't show. (Fade away please!! >.<)
Received an unexpected sms today though, was wondering, shall I reply? I chose not to. But why should I even consider? Wasn't it supposed to be clear that I should just delete that sms? Why am I still suffering from insomnia? Why am I still tearing myself to sleep every night? Why haven't I grown strong after this incident? Or have I, in fact, grown weaker?
I thought I have been used to face all these alone. Yet I am still feeling inferior, feeling that the world I am building from scratch now will fall apart again one day. Why do I feel afraid of looking into people's eyes? Have I grown frightened of trusting ever again?
Why isn't things going the way it was supposed to be? Is it really wrong not to chose? Why am I being mistaken time and time again, again and again? All I wanted was to be fair, but have I turned out to be unfair to all?
Sitting alone in this room again. Staring at this screen, having trains of thoughts running through my mind. Am I prepared to really stand up and have everything all over again? Am I really ready to start out on my new journey? Is moving really a good idea? But anyway, I have to start work next week, even if I wanna back out now. I don't have the courage to watch my world crash down ever again. I need a good rest.
I need the strength I used to have, I need the determination and patience back. I need to rebuild my life, without you and you.
Please let me go, leave me a path to walk, stop circling around me. Can't you see I am having a phobia towards you? Don't bother feeling guilty because it's MY fault. Just stop being so nice to me. Stop all these. Stop calling me that too. It's been over so yesterday. I feel like a bird being caged up. Running out of oxygen, dying any second. Please let go of me.
Even if I run out of courage to stand up again, I have to. Even if it means dedicating my life to watching the night alone.
Our Endless Love<3
1:51 AM
