12 September, 2007 <3
It's 4am in the morning. Have so much to say but nowhere to start with.
Once again, it's my fault. I deserve it, everything that has happened. One side of the story has been heard. What about the other part of the story? I think it doesn't matter, because nobody cares. All they care about is their own friend.
The pain lies not on the body. But the mind. Seeing two persons that you love getting hurt. I made the same mistake, using a lie to cover a white lie. It has been one and a half all along, till now at thins point of time. I said I don't feel anymore, but the truth is I do. I just thought, maybe by telling will be a better way of ending it. Then you won't have to compromise with me anymore. I also thought it as a reason for you to leave and find happiness. Thanks for the puzzle and the paper weight.
I saw fury in your eyes.
Was there a chance to explain? Did I even have a chance to speak? It's alright, it hurts but not as much as my heart hurts. Tears cannot help but stream down my eyes. And I just need the comfort of some hugs to fall asleep. When I stepped back into my own home, wanting some comfort, all I got was more messes. You said you wanted to screw my life. There you have it. Once again, I woke up crying to myself, being afraid of the dark.
When "you" asked what you were to me, I cannot seem to find an answer. What do you expect me to answer you? From the beginning I've told you, I'm not worth it. You are someone important to me and you are someone I care. You are someone I loved once so deeply that I've forgotten myself. Yet nobody cared what happened during that phase of life. They only bothered about why you are being so insane over a bitch like me.
Why am I so dumb? I don't even know how to retaliate. I don't even know how to speak up for my own self. I'm have lived 17 years in vain. I simply don't deserve to be living on earth.
Thinking back, I just wanna thank you.. For hurting me and loving me. You gave me so much, made me smile and have been there no matter what. Yet now I am left with nothing but tears. This is how we bid goodbye, with a slap.
I feel like a hurt kitten. Don't come near me because I am afraid. Really scared, lost and terrified.
My life. Emptiness.
Over, period. No more questions and answers.
Our Endless Love<3
4:00 AM
