14 October, 2007 <3
Why, when emotions surfaces, it's due to the influences of alcohol? Why, are people running away from facts and reality? I gotta admit I've been the one running. But at the end of the day, we all have to stop and look back, make decisions and come up with conclusions. Life is not just blind walking.
Alright, I've been awakened from my dreams. I've made my choice out of having no choices. Have you? Or, if you have made your choice, are you doing anything about it? Are you happy with what you have? Frankly speaking, I am contented. Regardless of how much pain my past has inflicted on me, I am satisfied with what I am and what I have now. I've learned the meaning of satisfaction. No matter how much we had gone through, it's all in the history book on the shelf. Written and not forgotten but shall never be mentioned. Start a new chapter if you have to. Pages tear and ink fades.
Now that I have started a new beginning, I am sure I will enjoy each and every process of making decisions, compromises, rough patches and rainbows. There are times whereby tears will fall, anger rises and frustration shows. It's only these times we can determine what we want and what if the decisions were made worth.
It's inevitable to speak and think of the past. But only memories it shall be. I've seen through you. and you and you. I am so glad that I have chosen a different path. I saw myself in someone else. If the our decision were to be the same, I guess the person getting drunk won't only be her. The person crying and feeling hurt won't only be another her. Is it worth it? Perhaps for them. I'm starting to live by the rules. I'm tired of wandering alone and getting burned. I just wanna stop and make changes to my life. I don't wanna waste anymore time, I don't wanna forsake things and people I cherish just because I am obliged to anyone else. I know yang yang would respect my decisions and my priorities in life.
Spent lots of time by myself in the afternoon today, thinking. Going through each and every cabin of my train of thoughts. Was maligned again last night. Is this who you think I am? Glad that in the end you know it wasn't me. Why are people always searching answers on others when the right answers are just right within their souls? Why do they have to question and not search within themselves? They don't have to answer to me. But to themselves and anyone involved.
When we were given chance to explain, we chose not to. When the chance is gone, we regret and complain that chance we never given. Then when explanations were needed, we break down and ask "why is she not telling me?" Stupid eh? Not just one person doing this. Hell lots of people are. I was one of them.
Face it people, facts are scary but we have to face the music and learn. Stop running and hiding. No point. And when decisions are made, don't change them and regret after that. Do something about it, not empty speaking. Like "I need her back in my life, she is my choice" then sit back on your couch and do nothing at all.
Enough of me crapping, shall end here today. Going to find yang yang soon.
Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.Our Endless Love<3
8:30 PM
