~Endless Love~

2010-12-14T01:20:00.001+08:00

Eventually we have nothing to say to each other. Silence. But this kind of silence isn't peaceful. There's a sense of awkwardness here. You're at the driver's seat, driving - an excuse to be silent. I'm here, typing all these, avoiding you.

What a drastic change. You never asked about my day anymore. We speak less and less each day. Your answers to my questions never go more than 3 syllables. "I'm tired" you always say. I'll just smile and listen. "I'm tired" I say, you said "who's not!?"

You know what? I'm tired. - because of you.
The break of the silence will be another series of quarrels. I can only confide into this quietness.

Let this silence continue. Let this awkwardness seep into the night and end there. For tomorrow we will run the same sequence of fights and exchange of spites. Are you happy? With this lifestyle? I can't wait to leave.

I enjoy the silence of a good company. Not that of a cold war.

2010-08-23T00:58:00.001+08:00

How am I supposed to handle a deteriorating relationship?
How am I supposed to let you know just how I feel?
We can't even hold a proper conversation anymore.
And I just want you to love me more.
I can't take this anymore.
I suppose it's time for me to leave afterall.
It's gonna hurt so bad.

2010-07-07T00:07:00.004+08:00

It's been two years. Looking back, I feel that I've been giving in too much.
My freedom. My friends. My favourite hobbies. My books. My time. My space.
Has it been worthwhile? I wonder.

I'm feeling weary of this relationship. Is it right to carry on?

Starting to lose sight of my ultimate goals. I feel like I'm walking aimlessly day after day.
I'm not doing what I really want to. Deep inside, I know that I'm not giving my best in whatever I'm doing.

Concert is only a few days away and I don't feel motivated. Tickets aren't selling too well, but I can't find the motivation. I don't see the point of putting in my best effort (though it's MY concert).

What should I do.

Two years gone by. Nothing achieved.

I need to find my motivation. Else I'd be a walking zombie SOON.

Two years. What should I expect next?

2010-05-20T00:18:00.001+08:00

It's hurting me inside. Why can't you be there. Why can't you give in to me? Not even once..? I keep telling myself, I have to be reasonable. But the way you are treating me tells me how little you actually care. How can I tell you how I feel inside me? My thoughts are slowly eating me up, little by little, I'm losing myself.

I can't even regconize myself anymore. Can't you tell? I'm beginning to be less myself. I feel the restraints from you. I feel the strings attached that stops me from flying. Can't you see? I'm suffocating. And you're the cause of it.

I'm just a girl.

Please love me like one.

2010-05-19T21:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish you could love me more. Shower me with care and concern. Tall to me about something else other than work.

I wish you'd take a good look at me and realize how much you've been neglecting. How much you didn't notice.

Before I decide to leave.

2010-04-29T18:51:00.003+08:00

Blogging in the studio right now. Feeling tired and sick. Drowsy with the medicine kicking in, but still gotta keep myself awake for recording.

Uncle Mel is taking over me for the time being as the singer is doing a Cantonese number. So tired. Slightly feverish, burning throat and bad bad headache.

I need silence. :(

2010-04-27T03:14:00.002+08:00

My schedule is full of recording sessions this week! It's only Monday and I feel so tired.
How am I going to record 5 days consecutively!? Wish me luck! :(

Over the weekend, brought Chujun to buy a new netbook, her desktop died on her. LOL. While shopping for her new lappy, I saw OVENS! I so want an oven for birthday! It's been a while since I last baked! *hint hint ;)

After Chujun got home after receiving her new lappy, I helped her with her blog. Did her blog layout and stuffs, then I realised it's time for me to change my blog layout. I spent more effort on hers than mine! Haha. But I'm glad that princess is happy with it.

It's been raining lately, and asthma have been acting up. Feeling terrible, but work still have to go on. The weather is so nice to snooze in the couch, with a novel and a cup of hot chocolate..... I remember I used to love getting drenched when it's raining cats and dogs, walking in the rain with Jasmine... Get home dripping wet and get scolded by Mom. Then, wash up and snooze on the couch with a novel in hand, a mug of hot chocolate on the table... Miss those times!

Have been spending too much time with Zen, discussing work, doing work, rushing proposals, meeting clients and planning upcoming concerts. Even on weekend nights. "No time for romance" he says. Career is our priority, but still...... I rather spend weekend alone, reading and listening to some good music instead of discussing work with my lover. No more hugs and kisses, cuddles and laughters. They are all replaced by burning midnight oil, serious discussions and burrowing our heads in the computers.

Sometimes I wonder.. When can I have some space for myself...?

Need someone to love me.

2010-04-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

Been so busy lately. Tired too. Some updates....

Genting trip, 7th Apr to 9th Apr. Part leisure, part work. :)

Pictures....

Cheapo la la hotel~

I love sweet potatoes! It was so cold outside, but the steaming hot sweet potatoes makes me feel warm again~ :)

Ripley's believe it or not! Museum

Zen getting excited over bumper car rides

My messy hotel room (that's the only table in the room)

Lots of coffee after meetings (also to use wifi @ Starbucks)

Nicest meal @ Genting! Vietnamese beef noodles. It was so nice, I only remembered to take a photo of it after savouring every essence of it! (:

That's all for Genting trip... Planning one more for leisure in July! Didn't get a chance to go to the outdoor theme park! What a waste! :(

2010-03-28T18:39:00.003+08:00

It's time to slowly let go.. It doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. Maybe because I've grown up. Maybe because I know I won't be happy going on like this. Even if we hold on, the ending doesn't excite me anymore. In fact I know it'll be different from what we once expected.

It may be a better choice.

Give me some time to enjoy the process and end it with a smile.

I love you. But I'm unhappy loving you.

If you want the rainbow, you must to put up with the rain. D. Parton

2010-03-23T12:49:00.001+08:00

:(
Bad day.

2009-12-01T02:01:00.004+08:00

Went exhibition visiting with Fern today. Went to many, many places.
Walked to Little India after visiting the exhibits at Supreme Court.

Got mad at Zen today. He's getting more and more possessive. Is he starting to feel insecure? I don't like it when he questions me. Told him off. Should have talked to him in a nicer manner, but I was so angry, he actually called 4 times in one hour asking me where I was, who I was with. ANGRY!

Hopefully he'll change this habit. :(

After shopping with Fern, went to have Chinese dim sum. Had the xiao long bao Nic introduced. Still as nice. ^^

Walking the whole day makes me feel very very exhausted. But I'm still contended.

Starting to feel reminded of my single life. Am I giving up too much for Zen?

Someone kept coming into my mind today. What am I supposed to do?

Feeling so confused.

Tonight will be the night I fall for you all over again.

2009-09-30T19:19:00.003+08:00

It's been a long long long long time since I last blogged!

Been busy with many things recently, hardly have mood and time to update.
Did a moon cake festival event over the weekend, invited Prisca to help me out with a bunny mascot costume. Will upload the photos within this week.

Currently preparing for VFTG 2009, we will be performing at the Arts House! Our 1st and 2nd shows will be in mid December. This time, instead of running one or two shows at theatres, we are finding ourselves a permanent performing place!

Oh yea, this morning there was a 8 magnitude earthquake hitting Samoa. And just 2 hours ago, there was another earthquake (7.6 magnitude) in Southern Sumatra, with the ripples travelling all the way to K.L. My office was shaking really badly.

Let's pray for those affected... :(

2009-02-17T16:22:00.003+08:00

Valentine's day was last Saturday. I have to admit, I was envious of those girls with pretty bouquet of flowers and boxes of chocolates. I was staring at roses and admiring those delicate petals... Zen asked "will you regret being with me?"

In the morning of Valentines' day, me and Zen attended Yong Lin kor kor's solemnization. It was so touching! Many memories came flooding back to me. I remembered he used to pick me from school every day when I was in Primary 2. I remembered he was the one who would apply medication for me whenever I fell and get wounded. I remembered him sacrificing his colour pencils to me because I lost my set. In memories, he's that brother that always protects me.

After that, me and Zen went for Swensens to have ice cream..
But he was so busy with his phone that I had to shop on my own.. I got so upset because his phone just won't stop ringing! There were so many people who wanted to meet us, like his aunt, my mother and all. We cannot seem to have a peaceful valentines' day. Even when he told me that we are not celebrating, I just smiled and said it's okay. But, we cannot even spend the day in PEACE!

Getting fed up, we went home instead. He had to prepare for his performance anyway. So, I stayed in his room and watched an episode of Qing dynasty's history documentary. Was so bored that I fell asleep....

Left his house and headed to Jurong west for his performance at 6pm. We took the train to Chua Chu Kang and hopped onto a taxi. The MRT was filled with couples, holding flowers, presents and they were dressed specially for that day.. I was craving for flowers too. ):

The value of a gift is not weighed by the price, but the sincerity.

2009-02-04T01:32:00.002+08:00

Here to rant.......

I find that there are many things I am dissatisfied about and I kept complaining about them. It's not that I really cannot accept those things, just that I feel better after complaining. It's not that bad sometimes....

Anyway, it's a tough time of my life right now. I am being forced to give up something that I really want and it's something that means very much to me. I know that I can still get it few years down the road, but giving up seems to be a very difficult thing to so.

I've tried speaking to Zen about it, because I needed someone to hear my complaints, but he just gave me a very straightforward solution. Well, I do not really need an idea of what I should do or what am I supposed to be doing. I know very well what's happening, and it's crashing down on me. Therefore I wish he can be there to listen to my rants.

I tried so hard to fake a smile today, and I failed. He kept asking me what's wrong, but I cannot seem to bring myself to tell him. I can't seem to take it, I know what his reaction will be. I know he will ask me to forget about it, let it go and blah blah blah. I know all these very well, I can even spell them backwards. But that's not what I need to know, I am not asking questions.. I just want someone to confide into, and I wish it's the person I love. Is it a very difficult request?

Whenever I complaint, it might not be because I am affected by it. I is just a remark or a simple comment. Why does he have to read so deep into it and deem that I am being bothered by things around me? I'm so puzzled.

I need to go somewhere alone and cry my heart out. I mean it. Before I break down and go crazy. I'm soooooooooo devastated right now and I wish he can hear my voice.

I need some time alone. I don't want to fake a smile and act as though nothing is happening, nothing is bothering me. I have troubles too, I can't be happy everyday. Life is not a bed of roses, and I am facing this fact. It's harsh on me and I wish you'd be there. Don't expect me to smile and laugh all the time, be bubbly and cheerful everyday, because I am human, I have emotions.

There's a voice within me, and it's screaming for help. But you can't seem to hear it no matter how loud it tries to shout. It's hurting me badly.

Save me. Bring me out of this fucking mess.

欲哭无泪的滋味。。。

2008-11-24T14:12:00.006+08:00

Went Penang with Zen on 14th November.. We took the morning bus and reached approximately 11 hours later...

His mom and his sister drove his car to pick us up from the bus station. The first time seeing her sister! She ushered me to sit in front because Zen will be the one driving. Our first stop was to have dinner, at some street side stall, had this prawn porridge. It was SLUPERLICIOUS! The bowl was extremely huge and the prawn was half the size of the bowl!

See! And the prawn was FRESH!

Second trip was to his maternal grandmother's house. We reached her house at 10pm and by that time I was having difficulty keeping my eyes open.... Luckily Zen's sister was chattering away, and I managed to stay awake. We left around 10.40pm, just as I thought we could go to his sister's house and rest for the night as planned.... Then Zen told me that he's picking his uncle and aunt up to have supper at a prata shop! Luckily the trip to his uncle's house was almost 30mins, so I slept while on the way there. When we reached his uncle's house, it was almost 11.15pm. When his uncle and aunt saw him, there were so surprised to see his new look.

The ride to the prata shop was very short, so within moments we were there. They ordered food and drinks for me, and looked at me as if I have never been to a prata shop and they thought I never had Indian Muslim food. LOL. The food there is delicious though, the roti tissue was really really really interesting. It's almost 1m long and, as thin as tissue. Coated with sugar and butter, it's very crispy, but by the time it reaches my mouth, it melts with the sugar... Whoa! It's just super nice lah! I wanted to take a photo of it, but my hp went flat.. :(

Apart from the roti tissue, their prata was great too, though it's more salty from the ones that we usually eat in Singapore. And the curry was cooked with chick peas! The peas were soft enough and the taste with the curry paste goes well together.

After supper, we took a 30mins ride to his sister's house. I thought I could take another nap, but he and his sister were scaring me with ghostly encounters! I was soooooo scared, that when I was at her house, I didn't want to sleep with the lights off! Anyway, her house is very cosy, with a great view of the sea. It was a breath taking view. Zen made me stand so close to the balcony that I was trembling. Hahaha.

By the time we washed up and get into bed was 4am. I was sooooooooooo tired but couldn't sleep, all thanks to the ghost stories. I made Zen talk to me till I fall asleep. But as usual, he falls asleep before I do.

Woke up at 7.30am on day 2, showered and prepared to leave his sister's house. Went to have dim sum breakfast with his uncle and his aunt. The food there was alright, just a little too salty for me. After breakfast, we drove his sister to the market and met her husband there. The market is huge! Ground floor is the wet market, second level is like our hawker centre and the third level is the dry market, there are shops that sells clothes, household items and dried groceries.

After shopping, Zen's sister and her husband went to their cafe to start business. Zen, his mom, uncle and I went to the largest temple in Penanag. Called 'Ji Le Shi' if I'm not wrong it's the biggest temple in South East Asia.
The temple, and a pagoda at the back

One of the wings

Penang food = YUMMY

2008-11-02T00:02:00.003+08:00

Currently at Zen's house, blogging. LOL. I'm still breaking my head on my assignments, they are like so simple yet so difficult.

Anyways, it's weekend! And I had a great time today, from waking up early and fresh, left house with Zen and went to his house after buying lunch for his family members.

Chilled at his place and accompanied him to Choa Chu Kang for a performance, and his usual impromptu irks me. Hah, he's always changing songs at the very last minute!

After his gig, we went to lakeside to collect his latest "General" costume. I think I was more excited then he was. His attitude was like "better not carry too much hopes." But in the end, the costume looked good on him.

Went for dinner at sembawang in the evening after purchasing tickets to M'sia. Was with his aunt, uncle, mom and two cousins (who are watching me blog right now). It was that typical family dinner, and I really think it's fun. I may sound weird, but I never had the feeling of a family. As I watched Zen's uncle taking care of the two kids, it really made me smile.

I think I'm more in love with his family than I am in love with him. Haha.

2008-10-29T05:51:00.004+08:00

Voices from the Gramophone 2008 (VFTG 2008) was a great sucess! Thanks for all who have supported and those who participated in the production!

I had great fun and learned alot during the process of this production, though it started off with a BANG (well, the 1m mirror ball fell from the flybar) and it ended off with a bang too! We were featured again on 95.8fm last night.

Through this production, I had the chance to meet many new friends and learned different things from different people. There's somebody I especially wanna highlight, HOCK HOE! He's always busy and don't really have time to talk after bumping into esplanade on the 23rd. He's patient and always there when you shout "HOCK HOE!" Without him, the production will be in a big mess. I had a great time working together with him and learning a lot from him. From artiste liaison to coordination. He's always there with advises too.

Also, through this production, I saw the true colours of the people around me, I realised how much my aunt loves and care for me, I saw the spirit of friends and family, also, I saw how jealousy can get people aggressive and detestable. I am thankful that through this production I saw the real side of someone..... okay.. here's some ranting..

Why did you have to cook up stories and spoil the relationship I have with others? I can't believe you actually did such a thing to me. Do you even regard me as a sister at all? How could you even try to spoil my relationship with Zen? Do you know how much it means to me? How could you use other people's names in your own lies and make them sound true? How can you put words into other's mouths and relate it to somebody else, and this particular person is so important to me? Are you dumb or something? How could you say things that are not true just because you want him to sympathize with you?

You wanted the authority that I had and you wanted to be in control of situations. Why didn't you consider why are you not the one in charge in the first place? Did you reflect on your own behavior? Why should you be in charge when you did not show your capabilities? Say, IF you do have the capabilities and that you are better than me in any other way, why were you not chosen? Is it because the producer and director likes me more or was it because they know that you are not suitable for the job?

Also, please listen to instructions if you do not want to get scolded. Not that I wanted to raise my voice at you, but next time, please revise the situation before asking stupid questions. I do not have time to entertain your nonsense. You did not go according to my plan and did opposite of what I asked you to, in the end you caused a whole lot of trouble for me. Because of you I had to face a lot of questions. You messed up my FOH and you put the blame on me. You used vulgarities in front of the esplanade staffs and you showed a bad attitude to me in front of everyone. After which, you bad mouthed me to my boyfriend.

You even asked mom to let you be in charge on the 25th. Do you know why mom forbade you to turn up in the end? Ask yourself! Did you even know what you were doing? You threw mom's face! Just because you are my brother I should let you handle my work? You think that you are my brother so I should listen to you in everything that you say?

During work, whoever you are, you will have to obey your authority's instructions, even my aunt listen to my instructions and did not say a single thing, who are you to say a word? You even told aunty Sebena that you wanna slap me? Look what's right and what's wrong. You think aunt wants to shout at you too? That's because of what you said to her!

Also, I am so disappointed in the way Zen handled the situation. You should have known me better and not believed in my brother's cooked up tale! Am I that sort of person to you in the first place? Do you think I will shout in the first place? Even my aunt knows that I won't throw a tantrum. You think aunty Sebena will speak ill of me to my brother? She's an adult, if I did something wrong, she will come directly to me and will not say anything to my brother.

But that's not it, why can't you stand up for me when someone else speaks ill of me? Why can't you speak up for me when somebody else is maligning me? It hurts real bad. Even if I am in the wrong, can't you be there to say something for me? Moreover, I did not do anything wrong at all! Instead, you doubted me and you wanted me to apologise to all of them. It was just a tale spun by him, and you didn't believe me..... Do you know how much it hurts? It sent a chill to my heart!

Even after aunty Sebena clarified the matter to you, you don't even bother to apologise to me. Am I such a bad girl that you cannot speak up for me? So you think it's true that all of them will say those things to my brother and that they will critisize me behind my back? They are close family friends and they watch me grow up. When I am at fault, do you think they will not come straight to me and let me know?

It's pure disappointment!

Anyway, the second day of the event was great! Everything was fine, without somebody messing things up. Also, Zen's mom and his aunt came to watch the concert! Saw his mom for the first time. I was so nervous!

After the concert, I felt so contented and satisfied. I was so happy that the concert ended sucessfully! Went for supper at rangoon road with all the crew and production members, had a great time chatting and eating. Reached home at 4 in the morning and slept like a baby.

On Sunday, went to Ming Yue's wedding at her hubby's house. Her wedding costume was so nice! The traditional chinese costume. And her hubby's doggies are soooo cute. One called cartoon and the other called maggie. Cartoon is chubby and have curls like Zen! (:

After the wedding, met Zen, his aunt, his mom and two of his little cousins at AMK Hub. Had dinner and walked around AMK for awhile. I took a train back home around 9.30pm. On my way back, Zen was like telling me "You passed." LOL. As though I was sitting for an exam.

That's all for now.. Need to continue with my assignment!

2008-10-20T11:12:00.003+08:00

Starting school today! Also, first full rehearsal in the studio today. SOOOOOO excited! No Monday blues! Just hope that this week goes well for me, cos the concert is this week, Friday and Saturday. We will be bumping into esplanade for rehearsals and set up on Thursday, which is also, a school day. =.='' really wonder if I can cope..

So, I really hope and pray that this week will pass smoothly. >.< Don't wanna breakdown before Saturday. I'm tired to the extreme, I'm soooooooooooo sleepy and I cannot seem to focus. Luckily I have some time to blog, for me to de-stress. LOL. Been really busy in the office, coordinating with Esplanade, Stage Manager, Producer, Artistes and many many many other crews. Most importantly, TICKETING. Please do do do support! Tickets available at all sistic outlets, "Voices From the Gramophone." But our ticket sales have been picking up since we were featured on "Good Morning Singapore" last week. It was so fun to be in Media corp studios! We were recorded 'live' and it was really awesome. Their crews were so professional and the hosts were so good in talking.

Last week was really a fruitful week, learned alot of things from production meetings at the Esplanade, working with the stage manager, going to the TV Station and managing the tickets. Though tiring, but it's enriching. I will savour each and every moment to rest after this week. (Though looks like I won't have much)

Fun fun and more fun, here I come! (:

Four more days to the BIG day, "Voices From the Gramophone."

2008-10-05T23:34:00.003+08:00

I can't seem to differentiate excuses from reasons. Are things the way it seems or are there loopholes that I cannot see.

I am so sick of being a reason, I am feeling tired of it. It's beginning to become an excuse to me. I am so sick and tired of being the subject of quarrels as well as the "reason" for certain acts.

I need to live for myself, not for the world. I just wanna be myself, an 18 year old teenager who is schooling, having fun and doing things that I will regret in the future. But why, is my road planned accordingly but most likely not able to proceed with?

I am taught to make my own decisions and plan the road ahead of me. But everytime, when I make certain decisions or when I say something, it doesn't seem to be respected and treated right? So, what's the point of making such decisions at all?

You were the one who told me, not to worry and go ahead to do whatever that I like. Even if I fall, I am still young and able to stand up all over again. Yet you are also the one who spoiled my dreams, you ruined my hopes and my motivations. Don't you see? It's all because I love you and respect you.

But i am sick and tired.

I wanna run away.

I know I can't.

*Hide. That's the only thing to do.

2008-09-29T20:38:00.006+08:00

It's been a long and tiring day for me!

As days are passing by, it's nearer to the concert date. Lots of things to do and alot of events coming up as festive season is approaching soon..

Went Parkway yesterday to have lunch, realised there are alot of sales going on, I wanna go shopping soon! Before the sales ends! (:

It's been a long time since I last visited the Library too! So, me and Zen went to the library, was supposed to find a spot for him to study for tomorrow's exam. But the library was packed with people, so I just borrowed two books and went to McDonald's instead.

Wonder if I can finish reading the books. Usually two books will take me a week. I doubt this time I can finish THAT soon. Sometimes I really wish time to pass faster, end this event really quickly so that I can have more time to do things that I wanna do, spend some time dating, reading, enjoy peaceful moments at the beach and be less stressed up!!! Yet, I really need lots and lots of precious TIME to do PUBLICITY and I wish we have more time to sell tickets!

Ah, I don't wanna rant......

Had steamboat at home last night, while watching F1. Finally, a night without event or meetings, due to F1! The results were stunning. LOL. Dramatic first Grand Prix in Singapore.

Woke up early and worked hectically till now. Zen bought dinner for me today. Though he is here in the office with me, he is unsually quiet tonight! That's because he is mugging for his paper tomorrow.. Feel like bugging him for a mid-night movie to "de-stress," but looks like that's got to wait. He's really putting effort in his studies, hopefully he can pass with flying colours!

Oh yes, we are going on cruise again this weekend for the competition event, and Zen will be hosting. I'm sooooo looking forward to it! It means more private time spent together. Though we will be there to do event, but there will be lots of waiting time. There's an arcade too! (:

Enjoying the sensation of sweet sweet love... <3

2008-09-18T14:59:00.004+08:00

Photos as promised!

Swept off my feet..

Our picture perfect

Boundless~

Me alone, at the deck~

Sunset on international seas

View of the deck

While sunsets, moon rises. (:

International seas.. ^^

2008-09-17T17:47:00.002+08:00

Phew.. Have been really busy.

Not even time to blog.

Busy with S.A.A, upcoming concert at Esplanade and upcoming concerts!

Was on cruise last weekend to help out at some singing contest. Will update photos when I have more free time. The sunset really looked beautiful! ^^

Came back in time to help out some events, one at Yi Shun, another at Marine Drive. That was how my weekend was spent.

Stepped back into the office on Monday, rushing out programme run sheets, song selections, went for meetings (that seems endless), presentations and coordinating with many parties. All ended last night. But this morning, received a call to request for a proposal.... So, I'm busying myself again. Ah! Feeling lethargic! But it's a good thing I suppose, means more income. Hehehe.

I think I will have to leave my nails aside for the time being. Need to focus on these projects first.

Though have been very very very busy, I watched Mama Mia! at Cineleisure with Zen last night, after a meeting at punggol. Realised, it's been some time since I last went to town. Haha, I need some time off! I need an OFF DAY!

But seems impossible. =.=''

Planning for a trip to Cameron highlands this year end! Followed by a bkk or china trip, for visual merchandising, after which, will contribute to my little business. (:
That's my current goal!

When someone doesn't care the way you want them to, does not mean that they do not care.

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?

2008-09-02T12:59:00.002+08:00

Ah.. A week since I last blogged. Have been SOOOOO busy can!!!

My Mom and my Boss are both coming back from China on 5th Sept, so, I gotta "look after" the office for the time being. There are meetings after meetings, emails after emails and CALLS AFTER CALLS. But I'm enjoying it.

The whole of last week was meaningful for me. Did alot of things.

Went to buy O.P.I nail polishes for my nail business and my stocks from the nail equipment distributor. Everything arrived on Wednessday. I spent my Thursday arranging my stocks, my display shelf and prepared for my first customer. Helped my cousin with her nails on Friday, did gel overlay. She's coming over again today to do extension. Hehe.

I made my FIRST Tiramisu on Friday too! Zen said it was nice, but a little too soft. I should have whipped cream myself instead of buying pre-whipped. My mom said it was too sweet though. Well, I think it was good for a "first time!" Gonna make again next time, with some variations perhaps! v^^v

On Saturday, me and Zen went to play badminton. Finally! After promising me for so long! We are making plans to play badminton on a weekly routine! Haha. Long time since I last played. Really enjoyed myself. After playing badminton, we caught a glimpse of fireworks! But Zen didn't let me get down the cab to watch.. He said next time.. =.='' I was so mad! Like... It's fate to catch it, not delibrately prepared to watch it right...? >.< But since he said he'd bring me to Malaysia and put up fireworks for me, I forgave him. xD

Anyway, went for a party on Sunday afternoon, at my mom friend's house. Made some hakka dish. It was fun! Tasted good too. (: I think I need to collect more recipes and learn how to cook. Getting tired of eating out all the time. Me and Zen went shopping after the party, and I came across an Escada perfume. My next target! ^o^

I had a wonderful and fruitful week.

I am thankful that I opened my eyes today. I am thankful for everything that I have.

2008-08-21T14:24:00.003+08:00

Will be collecting my letter of Acceptance on Friday, at SMa School Of Management. Got admitted into Specialist Diploma in Psychology, starting classes on 20th October. I will be a qualified counselor in two and a half year's time. But I'm thinking of pursuing my masters, specializing in early childhood, children with special needs.

I can finally see my life getting on the right track. It's gonna be tough, I know. But I am prepared to give my all. In love, in life, in career and studies.

Some people may think that I am someone who carries myself with confidence, but deep down, I suffer from inferiority. Was hoping to hear praises and compliments. Yet I always get the opposite. I'm someone who needs assurances and I would like to feel appreciated. I tear in silence when no one watches. I'm just a normal girl who love cuddles and stuffed toys. I'm just the typical girl who love to be adored by the one I love.

I just wanna be your number one...

2008-08-19T14:21:00.003+08:00

In the office right now, thinking about what to do in the future. It's the first time ever, I feel lost and confused over what I want to do. Or say, I really don't have the strength to look forward into something I have no confidence over.

Spoke to Dayne over msn last night, she got into NUS. It has been a long way for her. Good luck and all the best! I shall apply for bank loan as well then. At least I won't have to worry about cost for the time being... Hopefully I am eligible. Have to visit banks tomorrow.

I'm weary of waiting for answers when I ask questions. I guess I have to depend on my own capabilities instead of depending on other's to pay for my own school fees! Else I will be at this point till I-don't-know-when.

Anyway, I feel that I need to study mandarin. I can't seem to write in Chinese well! Recently had to coordinate with PRC, and I cannot seem to reply fluently. HAHA. I think I need to find a Mandarin teacher. xD

Alright, gotta get back to work, having a meeting at the Esplanade later in the afternoon. After that, I need to make a trip down to Parklane and check manicure products supplier's prices. Planning to set up my own manicure business. Hehh, wish me luck! Do support me when it's up!

I'm trudging on the roads, on the mountain. I will be trudging till the day I stand at the peak of the world.

2008-08-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hi people!

I'm back to blogging! New skin, just trying out. I'm too lazy to do up my own, so I downloaded from blogskins. Haha.

Just back to the blogging mood. Or maybe, in search for a place for me to rant again. (:

Today, work was hectic. Three minor and one MAJOR event (at the Esplanade) on hand. Lots of things happened at work. Last minute cancellations, last minute change of plans and having to follow up with more and more people.. I'm starting to feel shortage of man power in the office. LOL.

Followed my mom for lesson at Chinese Swimming Club after dinner at Ubin's seafood. Helped my mom with her lesson, was boring, but I at least my brains had a time out.

Zen was supposed to meet me today, but it was raining heavily on his side and he was home early today, so we decided to meet up tomorrow instead.

Came home and did up this blog, spent an hour searching for this skin, spent half and hour fixing it, and still, feel that there are many flaws. Is my expectation too high? Or am I just being troublesome? Sometimes I feel that I am just being difficult.

Alright, it's getting late now, and I am predicting another long and hectic day in the office tomorrow. Glad that I can get to meet Zen tomorrow, both of us are getting really busy recently. Luckily, we will be handling certain projects together. This means more time spent together. ^^

You painted a rainbow on my rainy day.

2008-02-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

what's the sound of a heartbreak?

is it the sound of crying alone softly at night? the sound of an unwanted teardrop rolling down the cheeks? or is it the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring?

the sound of heartbreak..

Is it the sound of soul shattering into a million pieces at understanding the word "goodbye?" is it the soundtrack of memories torturing you, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat? or the soft meows of abandoned kitten's outside an ignoring door?

how does heartbreak sound like?

the echo of "I love you" peircing through? the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing will ever matter without love? is it the sound of arguments in your mind? or is it the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there?

is this how a heartbreak sound like?

howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound your throat swallowing the saltiest tear or is it the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there?

i think heartbreak sounds like this..

but what ever it is..

a heartbreak isn't always as loud as an explosion.. it can be as soft as a feather falling.. but the sad thing isn't the heartbreak. it's that, the person who causes it didn't hear it.

Thank you for being so generous, standing by me and not backing out.

2008-01-11T15:33:00.001+08:00

You know, it's really good to be home! ^^

The past four days were exciting and extreme, was like on roller coaster rides and going on Ecstasy. Well, of course, in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. (Somewhere with no roller coasters and estacys).

My very first event overseas, learnt alot, it was a wonderful experience for me. Met new people, worked with people from a well known company in the IT industry. The event ended successfully,with alot of anxiety. I'm thankful that it went smoothly and all of us came back safe and sound. Many incidents occurred which are too long to be typed out, but it was really a good chance for me to gain experience.

Learned that I should me more initiative in handling certain situations and I should be more confident in making my own decisions when plans were not going accordingly. Perhaps being a Singaporean has made me independent on systems compared to people of other countries. I have gained a higher level of understanding the coordination between hotels, travel agencies and many other companies.

Other than the event, this trip also gave me a chance to enrich in the Sabah tribes and learned alot about the Sabah culture. Sabah is a nice place, just started developing but a little run down. The scenic views were really captivating and the tribes there shares a rich tradition. Watched their cultural dance, bamboo dance and the blowpipe shooting. Went up to mount kinabalu, about 3000ft above sea level. This time I traveled up via coach, would like to walk up to the peak the next time I visit for a holiday.

Visited the Kampong, saw WILD CHICKEN running around. Like real KAMPONG CHICKENSin the WILD!! I was like running around with the chickens so that I can take a photo of it! The villagers were starring at me with wide eyes. Haha. I think I looked like some idiot to them.

Anyway, seafood there is cheap and fresh, vegetables served there were all grown on the mountains there by the villagers, the weather there is really good and the hotel service was of first class. Well, I still miss my own home, own country and my own bed. xD

What a trip! Now I am really exhausted. Finally understood what it means - It's good to be home. Gotta start packing up and head to the states! Prolly leaving on the 17th or earlier. Have to shop for coats and warm clothing.

Took plenty of photos, will upload them when it's ready. It's still in the office being processed into CD-Rom for our guests. Will be uploading them when it in my hands. Hehehe.

Treasure every chance to be adventurous, watching something and doing something can be very different.

2008-01-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

It feels weird, to be in Malaysia but working. Everything has it's first yea.

Went home late last night, after meeting the clique, Angelia wasn't there as she had to wake up early for her attachment. Really wonder when can we all meet up together again. I had grilled sambal fish at Swensens last night, it was nice, but due to my fever, Gen stopped me from having my sambal. LOL. I ended up eating the fish with tomato sauce la!

It was a great meeting last night, Vanessa came along. I have my long awaited Frosted Chocolate Malt as well. Hehe. Me and Vanessa hungout awhile more before she sent me home.

Woke up really early this morning. Supposed to have dinner with tian, but I had too much to do. It's been ages since I last saw her. Another question - will I have time to see her before I fly to Washington D.C?

Yup, flying off on the 15th. Will be back from Malaysia on the 11th though. Have lots of people to meet up with, I would really love to meet up with all my beloved friends but I seriously don't have enough time!! Oh gees, lots of things on my mind now. But I gotta sleep, gotta wake up early tomorrow morning to prepare for my event.

Will update when I have the time!

-Vanessa, take good care of yourself.

-Tian, sorry, couldn't meet you up.

-Dear Jasmine, will try to squeeze time for you.

That's all now, needa print some time-sheet for tomorrow's programme. Tatas.

Life is short, live it.

2007-12-20T22:52:00.000+08:00

Beautiful day. I love surprises.

It's really surprising to be expecting you this evening, while i was cleaning my place up. Your call gave me a shock. But well, it's really great to see you, to spend some time together. Though it's another short meeting, it's still great. Laughter is the best medicine. And it's just blissful to sit together and watch television together. Awaiting my dinner. >.<

Past few days was really fun, watched movie, hungout with Pat, ruru, Sae Hoe, the Funny friends. Yet at the same time, I've been working hard. Gonna reap what I sow after christmas! Busying myslef. But I know what I want. ^^ I'm gonna enjoy my long awaited holidays! Though I am going back to school soon.

Can't wait for school to start! Can't wait for X'mas! Can't wait for the kota kinabalu event!!
Can't wait to see the funny friends, cannot wait to see *her, cannot wait till my next movie! There are so much that I am looking forward to. But still, I'll be patient and wait. Especially for next week! Weeee~

Happy me. =D

Love makes the world go round.

2007-12-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

Here I am to rant again. I am unreasonable, I know. I am not someone who's perfect, I understand. But there are times when I am really trying to be reasonable. I think, what lies underneath the imperfection is more important then the superficial sides of life.

Within this imperfection lies a heart that cherishes you.

Yet I'm feeling disappointment. In life, we do not expect rainbows after rainbows. Life is never a bed of roses, I was taught. And I happily accept that! Life have it's ups and downs, I understand. It takes a storm before a rainbow MIGHT be seen. I'm able to live with the fact that not all colours are beautiful and I am happy to see things in different views.

At the same time, when there are opinions voiced, I wish to be heard. I would love to see beautiful things and be mesmerised too. I don't mind going the extra miles to earn something meaningful. Don't take me as a fool. I am innocent but I am not stupid.

Please, stop poking into my life. Mind your own businesses! It's my own freedom what I wanna do and whom I wanna hangout with. Stop pointing fingers at me and start gossiping about me when you know absolutely nothing about my personality. It simply gets on my nerves. Whoever I was with has got nothing to do with you. I think you have to learn how to respect other's privacy.

Get a life and live it. Don't watch someone else's life and talk about it!

The ultimate perfection lies in the mind of judgement.

2007-12-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

Christmas is approaching and it's time for people to gather together...

Met up with someone I haven't seen in three years - Ilynn. Really happy to see her again. Shi Yun, Audrey and Dino too.

Met up at Bedok interchange in the morning, had breakfast and headed to Suntec. Dino joined us around 1pm. Shopped around, had fun, chilled and caught 'The Golden Compass' we reminisced about childhood, laughing at the good ol' days. Giggling at the funny times we spent through primary and lower secondary school days. Bought FOUR Winnie the Pooh plushie. One for Aud, one for shi yun, one for herself and one for ME! They are just so adorable! Okok, I'll let the photos speak for itself.

Christmas Tress galore!

Baby COOKIE MONSTER!!! ^^

Really had fun today, Audrey joined us for about half an hour and left. We dined at Swensens, Was really touched by what Ilynn said when me and Shi Yun said "you have been missed"

Ilynn said "you have been missed too!"

But Shi Yun didn't catch what she said. LOL. So I am supposed to repeat that in my blog entry. Haha.

As dinner was coming to an end, we felt a change in atmosphere. Kinda, weird out of a sudden. Gees, I'm gonna miss Ilynn. Really have no idea when will I be seeing her again, years later perhaps?

I saw a hello kitty stuff toy!!! $126.95!! It's sooooooooo cute!!!!!! Oh my.. I've set eyes on it!

Oh yes, Cheow Fern!! Owe me one more meeting hur! Was supposed to join us today, but slept the day away! *roars.

Nevermind, just be sure to meet me soon uh. ^^

Came home early today and I'm feeling tired. Gotta go back to work tomorrow and I'm hoping to see someone who has been on my mind for the past few days. I'm going head over heels!

It suddenly brought me to treasure people around me. Spread the LOVE~

I allowed myself to be mesmerised. -love-

2007-12-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

Gal gal is upset. She don't understand why. But gal gal knows that she shouldn't be. She's not even supposed to be. Yet she cannot seem to do anything about it. She can't seem to sleep. Gal gal just wanna see you. And she's worried.

Waiting.

2007-12-05T01:37:00.000+08:00

Reading this entry might be a waste of time.. It's long and boring. But I just wanna express my train of thoughts....

I feel that I am living in contradiction. Or is it just a form is consolation? Like what Jasmine says, it's just a form of "an wei" to make people feel better...

It takes ages to build up a strong relationship. But it takes just three seconds to spoil it all. Or is it that the people from the society now are more selfish in comparison with the previous generations? That they forget how things were started when it's about to end? Isn't it supposed to be the process that's important?

Often, people in relationships look for reciprocation. But for me, I have people around me that really makes me happy, makes me feel loved and appreciated. But what is it that is missing? I feel that it's more than that. It's not just understanding someone.. It's not just accepting someone.. It's more than companionship, it's more than reciprocating. Love comprises of so much and I feel that I am not fit to be in love or to give anyone love. Four letters, L-O-V-E means so much. It's so vague yet it's this simple.

There are times we know deep down, what is right and what is wrong. Yet we tend to question and search answers on others when the ultimate answer is staring right at us. At the same time, avoiding the music. Aren't we taught to face the music? Why am I running away? There's no confusion, it's contradiction. I simply cannot make up my mind and be firm with what's right over wrong. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I know that once I've made up my mind upon certain things, it hardly ever changes. That is the reason I am always not able to make up my mind.

I am being told that I hold the key to my fate and I have all the rights to make decisions for my very own self. I left my comfort zone and started a journey on my own. I know what I want and deep down I have an answer for myself. There's no need for me sitting here fretting about tomorrow, but I still am suffering from insomnia. Because, all I am looking for is just... Assurance.. I have lost all my confidence that I used to posses.

The moment I fell, I knew I am afraid. Who's not afraid of getting burned after being burnt once? I once heard that nothing breaks your spirit more than poverty. But I think there is something - failure.

Being an asian has made me afraid of falling. The pride that we asians carry and the self esteem that is born in us has made us too strong that once we fall, we find it more difficult to hold ourselves up again. Yet, it's the self esteem that makes us more determined to start all over again. (contradiction)

Isn't it intoxicating? To watch life after a drastic change has been made. To change all over again, to live a different life. To live again, to reconstruct from basics. It's easier for me because I am still young. I do not own any real assets like cars and houses. I can fall and get back to my feet in no time. I may be innocent but I am not naive. Does this make me a complicated person? I think otherwise.

It's my life, I should be responsible and I have to learn how to answer for my own actions. This sentence has been said to me many times of my life, since the day that I could understand it. But till today, then I had a better understanding of it. To answer for my own actions is not just to myself. It includes people who cares for me and people who loves me. The fact that I am a freedom lover has made many people worried about me. I don't usually have the habit of reporting to someone, letting someone know all about my whereabouts. The fact that I am always on my own has made me so independent that I am tired. I am weary. I like the feeling of being looked after.

The idea of someone being worried about me made me skipped a beat. For once, I felt that I should start to be committed to someone. I feel obliged to take care of myself and make sure that I am safe. I finally understood that I do not belong to just myself. I belong in somebody's heart. Not just one. Though. Not the obligation to someone with powers to affect my decisions, but that of responsibility.

Today, I was made to realise that I have to speak for my own happiness, I don't have to live the way I am expected to live. Just as long as I can answer for my own actions.

I'm feeling blessed to be cared for. I am tired and I just wanna fall asleep in your arms under your protection.

2007-12-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Clique gathering today.. Was supposed to be my off day! But I went back to the office and completed some extra work.. Gees, I really wonder when is OFF DAY lols.

Reached PS at 7.45pm and met Wei, Prisca, and Angelia. Went ICHIBAN SUSHI to have dinner. Heh, whatever that I wanna eat, they do not have... =.='' I had green tea ice-cream with red beans though. ^^

Gen and Qi reached later, approximately 9pm? Haha, they had the Lover's tiff for awhile, cold war for 15mins and was lovey dovey again. Watching them was really fun, they're so cute! But wei actually made Gen cry. Of course, she's fine after being coaxed by Qi.

Prisca! We feel that THEY look alike. Haha.

The x'mas tree outside Plaza Singapura

A better view of the star! ^^

Me and Angelia in the ladies. Kawaii?

Played pool after dinner, wei wanted to go for kbox session. But me and prisca had to wake up early tomorrow. Took a few photos and chatted alot with them. Really enjoyed the clique meeting! Shared cab home with Prisca after that.

I dropped at Katong mall as I wanted to get some stuffs at cold storage, but some Africans scared the wits outta me. I swear I was scared. Okay, I've gotta admit, I AM timid. He approached me and asked where I was heading. I kept quiet and paced faster. Looking at the lights from cold storage. He then asked if I am shy or am I just scared. My heart pounded faster and I wished my legs could carry me as fast as my heart was pounding! Then he said "hey, you're really pretty" I nearly stopped breathing.

LUCKILY my mom called me at that point of time. She told me that my bro wanted to have supper. So I RAN ACROSS THE ROAD and waited at the coffee shop for my mom. My face was flushed red and I was still petrified. When my mom saw me, she was like "what happen to you?" then my bro recommended me to go for wu shu classes. LOL.

Some sweetie called at that point of time, she was supposed to be asleep. But being worried about me, she set alarm to wake up and ring me! My heart melted and my fear was all gone. Thanks for being so caring.. You really made me happy by letting know that you care.

Anyway, I wanna rant! I hate it when people think that they know me inside out when they don't understand me at all!! Can't they just accept people for who they are? We are all different and I feel that we are not CLONED. Naturally there's this difference in all of us! I don't even know myself very well, what makes you think that you know me by heart? Do you even know about my life? NO YOU DON'T! You don't even know how I spent my childhood!

What makes you think that the weight of your words can make me change my decisions? Did you think that you can change my mind just by telling me that you are more experienced than me? Please look into the mirror before you wanna speak ill of someone else! Please do something about yourself before you wanna comment on someone else's negatives!

And, don't act as though you are fine when you are not. Don't attract attention when you know that all the attention is on you. Don't be like a superior when you are just like us. I'm not the only one upset with you. Therefore it's time for you to reflect on your life!

Life is not just about love. It's about living life with love and CONSIDERATION.

2007-11-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

Friday. Had a really enjoyable friday.

Ended work early as requested by someone. Haha, haven't been meeting her for days. Had a busy day at work though. Went bedok and shopped around.. Bought this Santa clause pen for her. ^^

She and her friend reached around 7.30pm. Wanted to head down to orchard to have dinner. But we ended up eating Indian cuisine at boat quay. Had a real good dinner, which lasted till 9.30pm. Wanted to go "gold dust" after that. But when we reached orchard towers, the place changed and it kinda scared me. So we left. Drove through Orchard and took some photos. It was really packed. By the time we managed to get out of town, it was already 11pm. She decided that it's too late for me as I've gotta work tomorrow, so she got her friend to drive me home.

Really had a great time. Thanks for dinner. Though the time was short, but the time was well spent. The things you said to make me smile and yea.. Just being with you really made my day. Wonder when can we meet up again..... As you said, I'm gonna miss you. Haha.

That's my well spent Friday evening, better than spending it at anywhere else, clubbing or pubbing. Just chilling in the car with the right company.

It's the little gestures that makes my day. A simple smile from you to me drew a rainbow in my heart.

2007-10-14T20:30:00.000+08:00

Why, when emotions surfaces, it's due to the influences of alcohol? Why, are people running away from facts and reality? I gotta admit I've been the one running. But at the end of the day, we all have to stop and look back, make decisions and come up with conclusions. Life is not just blind walking.

Alright, I've been awakened from my dreams. I've made my choice out of having no choices. Have you? Or, if you have made your choice, are you doing anything about it? Are you happy with what you have? Frankly speaking, I am contented. Regardless of how much pain my past has inflicted on me, I am satisfied with what I am and what I have now. I've learned the meaning of satisfaction. No matter how much we had gone through, it's all in the history book on the shelf. Written and not forgotten but shall never be mentioned. Start a new chapter if you have to. Pages tear and ink fades.

Now that I have started a new beginning, I am sure I will enjoy each and every process of making decisions, compromises, rough patches and rainbows. There are times whereby tears will fall, anger rises and frustration shows. It's only these times we can determine what we want and what if the decisions were made worth.

It's inevitable to speak and think of the past. But only memories it shall be. I've seen through you. and you and you. I am so glad that I have chosen a different path. I saw myself in someone else. If the our decision were to be the same, I guess the person getting drunk won't only be her. The person crying and feeling hurt won't only be another her. Is it worth it? Perhaps for them. I'm starting to live by the rules. I'm tired of wandering alone and getting burned. I just wanna stop and make changes to my life. I don't wanna waste anymore time, I don't wanna forsake things and people I cherish just because I am obliged to anyone else. I know yang yang would respect my decisions and my priorities in life.

Spent lots of time by myself in the afternoon today, thinking. Going through each and every cabin of my train of thoughts. Was maligned again last night. Is this who you think I am? Glad that in the end you know it wasn't me. Why are people always searching answers on others when the right answers are just right within their souls? Why do they have to question and not search within themselves? They don't have to answer to me. But to themselves and anyone involved.

When we were given chance to explain, we chose not to. When the chance is gone, we regret and complain that chance we never given. Then when explanations were needed, we break down and ask "why is she not telling me?" Stupid eh? Not just one person doing this. Hell lots of people are. I was one of them.

Face it people, facts are scary but we have to face the music and learn. Stop running and hiding. No point. And when decisions are made, don't change them and regret after that. Do something about it, not empty speaking. Like "I need her back in my life, she is my choice" then sit back on your couch and do nothing at all.

Enough of me crapping, shall end here today. Going to find yang yang soon.

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

2007-10-11T10:57:00.000+08:00

Just trying to blog in a few mins time. Met up with Cf on Tues night and Jas on Wed night. Had lots of fun catching up and laughing away. They both met wei. =)

Went down to chalet and find prisca just now, stayed till 10am. Going to find yang yang soon. Will be working tonight. Hees. Will update real soon alright? Rushing for time.

Misses!

2007-10-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

Here to rant again.

Thought through so much, spoke to wei. Realised many things. Caught me in a dilemma. We often say "follow your heart" but how would you know if your heart is guiding you to the right track? All I am feeling now is that, my heart is blind.

Am I really not seeing things the way things should be seen? Or am I just trying to avoid the truth. Has it been a habit to love, or is it that I have learned that I have really fallen throughout this one and a half years? If it has been a habit, why am I still not allowing anyone else into my heart? Yet if I have really fallen, why have I been running and hiding from her? Now that I am ready to face her, it's her turn to run and hide....

Life is so full of irony. Just like most of my entries. Why can't things be the way it was?

It wasn't me who used to call your house, it was me sleeping beside you. It was me whom coax you to bed everyday, it was me you smiled to first thing when you open your eyes.

Yet now, it's me who called you up. It's my stuffed toys that sleeps beside me, it's my blanket which coax me to sleep, and it's my calls to you first thing I open my eyes.

If only I can turn back time, I will never repeat the same mistake. Now that I am guilty and I am regretting, why can't you just listen?

I'm so longing for your hugs, your misses, which nobody can replace.. Why couldn't I bring myself to look into your eyes and tell myself it's her that I see in you? Why am I still seeing myself?

I walked passed the place I first kissed you. Memories came flooding my mind. How happy and sweet we were. But you spoiled a part of it. I have been trying to mend it and it succeed. Now that I've spoiled the picture by accident, won't you just tell me how to mend it again?

I'm falling sick and I know you won't be here to pamper me anymore. It's my strength to go on now...

Love is strong yet delicate.It can be broken.To truly love is to understand this.To be in love is to respect this.

2007-10-07T09:49:00.000+08:00

I don't know when will my tears dry up, I don't know when I'll be stronger.

Disappointment fills my heart, tears filled my eyes. Thanks all for making me laugh through the sadness. I love Coco, love playing with her.

Never expected to hear that from you. To know that she spent her night at your place. Yes, it's a bog blow to me. Everything is just so contradicting. Why do I still feel the same for you? Why am I still not getting over you? Why am I still smiling when I know that you were just trying to irritate me? Why do I have to listen to you all the time and try my best to let you have what you want? Why do I have to love you...

Just enjoy hanging out with my group of funny friends. Love em though it's just been a few days.
Thanks Wei, for walking me up and down amk ave 10. Really appreciate it.

Words can never describe this feeling. The way I felt when the both of us were still in love with each other. The way your eyes looked into mine.

2007-10-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

Went sun tanning today. Was really HOT. Cam whored the whole day, will be waiting for gen to upload the photos. Everyone just look simply CUTE and ADORABLE. After that, slacked with Yi wei, Prisca, Gen, Nikki, Qi and Karen at Suntec. Waited for Angelia to knock off. Was just sitting at the fountain and chill till 11.40pm. Talked as if tomorrow will never come. Haha. Took pictures like cameras are invented yesterday. But through the time, I was waiting for someone's call. Thinking if she'll remember that she promised to call me up tonight. And now, 1am, I'm still waiting.

Yesterday was alright, had dinner with Jac and realised we share the same birthdate. Conferenced with Yi Wei, Prisca and Gen. Went Geylang for supper in the end, around 3.30am.

Really had great fun with my group of funny friends who calls me "lia lia" lols. Laughing non stop. But deep down, all of us have our own problems. We became emo after awhile.. I'm really trying hard to be happy. Apparently I seem to be laughing my days away. Yet deep down I am crying. All the time.

Dedicated a song today. I promised this someone that I'll dedicate a song at suntec for her, one day. But sad enough, she's not there to hear it.

"bibi to baby, stay happy always."

You don't know that it's simple tasks asked to be done by me that can make me smile all day.

2007-10-04T15:22:00.000+08:00

I get the whole picture now. I see it so clearly before my eyes. When you said that you wanna be single, it's all because of today. And not because you really wanna be alone.

You actually have done all the happy momments we shared together with her. Candles.. Badminton in the middle of the night. Shown her rocket too perhaps? Hugged her, teased her and spent the whole night talking through dawn. Wasn't this our memories? Guess not anymore. It's now you and hers.

And you have become a part of her life too.

So I'm all forgotten.

I'm gone.

I hate myself. I'm dumb. I'm stupid. I HAVE PEANUT BRAINS.

2007-10-03T02:02:00.000+08:00

I guess it doesn't matter anymore. There was so much that I wanted to say. But I cannot find the words to tell you................
I love you.
and
I'm sorry.
Again, it's too late. And tears are unglufing my nights. Don't you ever realise that.... I need you?

I hate myself for not having the courage to let you know. I hate myself!

2007-09-23T04:44:00.000+08:00

It's 4.44am and I am still wide awake. Watched Boys Don't Cry. But I cried my eyes out. Ha, very good show, R.I.P Teena Brandon, much love. Thankfully singapore don't hang lesbians like they do in Falls City. LOL.

I AM SUFFERING FROM INSOMNIA!! And I have a friend who was suffering from the same sickness, but she just went to bed. =.=

I'm bored so I took a test! Guess what? I'm 20% stupid. ^^

2007-09-21T04:08:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful dinner with a few famous people just now at Grand Shanghai. Enjoyed myself, had two bottles of red wine, a bottle of champange. Then headed down club street with my mother to drink with my cousin and aunt.

Met the boss of W wine bar. He's very charming. Hees. Had two bottles of white wine. Realised that after having champange, I don't wanna change the type of drink after it. HAHA. Had a great time chatting with my cousin and aunt. Dreading the thought of leaving the east. They were wishing me all the best and I know they mean it. But why am I still dreading? Headed home and had a surprise.

Anyway, read alot of blogs today, since it's 4am and I have to wake at 7am, might as well find something to do. Ya, I was saying... Kinda feel that most people around me are so goal orientated and motivated towards their goals. I clearly know what I want yet I am still wandering. I wanna make my first million before my 22nd birthday. I wanna pick up dancing as a hobby. I wanna go back to music. And I'm gonna work hard as a childcare teacher, when I am certain I can definately go further.

But where is my motivation? I'm just feeling down and I don't know why. I'm searching for something but I don't know what. Sounds ridiculous I know. >.<

I wanted to start a new life, but I'm feeling 依依不舍 whenever I think of staying at Jurong. That feeling is overwhelming that tears were stinging my eyes.

I have to live life to the fullest. And I have to start somewhere, ASAP.

也许有天我们会在同样交叉路口再碰面；但我相信我不会再做出同样的决定。

2007-09-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

Will be officially working as a childcare teacher next week somewhere in woodlands, will be moving in with my cousin and my nephew.

Had a pre-employment check up two days back, was told that my blood is insufficient. HAHA, the doctor was trying to get two tubes of blood, but only managed to get one and a quarter at most. Then I was advised to drink more soup with red dates.

Craving on 85's stingray, really wanna have dinner there later. So Cheow Fern!! Please don't make any last minute changes!! Miss it so badly. Miss the geylang tow huay too, knowing that I won't be able to have all these suppers after starting work.. (luckily I have weekends off, which means I will be back EAST!!!) I'm gonna miss the windy times, the saltish air, the good food and most of all THE PEOPLE!!

But above all, I am looking forward to starting work, starting the new life that is seemingly better that the previous month. Be it I am prepared or not, I'm going for it. As for lantern festival, my plans are not made. Anyone would like to spend the Chinese valentine's day with me watching lanterns and playing with candles? Was thinking of going to Chinese Garden. Well, will be back east on that day for dinner though.

Cooked dinner yesterday, for a few people, was told that my culinary skills improved. Hehe. Missing Lor mee, shall have it in the morning. Then have to collect my medical report in the afternoon. Feel like roller blading in the evening. *winks at steph.

Tiring day, sleeping at midnight again. Hah, have to adapt to sleeping before 11pm from tomorrow onwards. But looking at this week's plans, looks like I'll have to try very hard. Dinner gathering with performers of the esplanade concert last week on Thursday night, wedding dinner at Ritz Carlton on Saturday night. Save me!! I don't know what to wear.

Gonna turn in now, good night readers.

Tears have dried up and time has taught me to leave all the pain alone. I'm on my own.

2007-09-17T00:23:00.000+08:00

Changed the song of my blog, now playing - Almost here. Nice? ^^

Had a hard and long day, woke up late to attend an event at amk. So i had lunch with my mom then headed back to her office to prepare for a long night.

Lions Club of Singapore Henderson Lantern Festival Celebration Nite 2007. Hosted by my mom and I. Lots of fun were brought to the old folks and guests. I was nervous at the beginning but got the hang of it after awhile. Improved alot as said by the soundman and uncle mel. Had much good responses and finally, a good meal with coke to end the night. There weren't drinks during the programme!! Nearly died due to de-hydration and starvation. The experience was not a good one, but enriching, this event was meaningful afterall.

Came back and had a long shower. Cooling my tensed muscles and refreshed my skin under the makeup. Miss my bed. Having tired legs and heavy eyelids now. Weary.

Goodnight all.

Getting back on track, or at least, it seems.

2007-09-16T01:51:00.000+08:00

Caught friday late night movie at marina gv - The Home Song Stories. Great movie.

Illustrates the love of a family, a single mother who was a singer. I watched a film like watching my life, the familiar scenes, the familiar words and feelings felt. Love that show, would give it a 4.5 stars rating. I practically cried from 1/3 of the movie till the end. The ending was really touching. Please watch it if you are considering catchnig a movie!!

My Saturday turned out quiet other than the fact of being nagged from the moment I open my eyes till now. Slept in late till noon, had lunch with mom and my bro. Was alright, help my mom do some errands and chores, did some paperwork. Thinking that, since I will be starting work next week and I will have to move to Jurong, better do something to make my mom happy.

That was my saturday. Clement asked me for a Saturday late night movie, but I have to wake up early later to attend some programme at AMK. Hosting at Bukit Merah C.C in the night too. Hopefully the wound doesn't show. (Fade away please!! >.<)

Received an unexpected sms today though, was wondering, shall I reply? I chose not to. But why should I even consider? Wasn't it supposed to be clear that I should just delete that sms? Why am I still suffering from insomnia? Why am I still tearing myself to sleep every night? Why haven't I grown strong after this incident? Or have I, in fact, grown weaker?

I thought I have been used to face all these alone. Yet I am still feeling inferior, feeling that the world I am building from scratch now will fall apart again one day. Why do I feel afraid of looking into people's eyes? Have I grown frightened of trusting ever again?

Why isn't things going the way it was supposed to be? Is it really wrong not to chose? Why am I being mistaken time and time again, again and again? All I wanted was to be fair, but have I turned out to be unfair to all?

Sitting alone in this room again. Staring at this screen, having trains of thoughts running through my mind. Am I prepared to really stand up and have everything all over again? Am I really ready to start out on my new journey? Is moving really a good idea? But anyway, I have to start work next week, even if I wanna back out now. I don't have the courage to watch my world crash down ever again. I need a good rest.

I need the strength I used to have, I need the determination and patience back. I need to rebuild my life, without you and you.

Please let me go, leave me a path to walk, stop circling around me. Can't you see I am having a phobia towards you? Don't bother feeling guilty because it's MY fault. Just stop being so nice to me. Stop all these. Stop calling me that too. It's been over so yesterday. I feel like a bird being caged up. Running out of oxygen, dying any second. Please let go of me.

Even if I run out of courage to stand up again, I have to. Even if it means dedicating my life to watching the night alone.

2007-09-12T04:00:00.000+08:00

It's 4am in the morning. Have so much to say but nowhere to start with.
Once again, it's my fault. I deserve it, everything that has happened. One side of the story has been heard. What about the other part of the story? I think it doesn't matter, because nobody cares. All they care about is their own friend.

The pain lies not on the body. But the mind. Seeing two persons that you love getting hurt. I made the same mistake, using a lie to cover a white lie. It has been one and a half all along, till now at thins point of time. I said I don't feel anymore, but the truth is I do. I just thought, maybe by telling will be a better way of ending it. Then you won't have to compromise with me anymore. I also thought it as a reason for you to leave and find happiness. Thanks for the puzzle and the paper weight.

I saw fury in your eyes.

Was there a chance to explain? Did I even have a chance to speak? It's alright, it hurts but not as much as my heart hurts. Tears cannot help but stream down my eyes. And I just need the comfort of some hugs to fall asleep. When I stepped back into my own home, wanting some comfort, all I got was more messes. You said you wanted to screw my life. There you have it. Once again, I woke up crying to myself, being afraid of the dark.

When "you" asked what you were to me, I cannot seem to find an answer. What do you expect me to answer you? From the beginning I've told you, I'm not worth it. You are someone important to me and you are someone I care. You are someone I loved once so deeply that I've forgotten myself. Yet nobody cared what happened during that phase of life. They only bothered about why you are being so insane over a bitch like me.

Why am I so dumb? I don't even know how to retaliate. I don't even know how to speak up for my own self. I'm have lived 17 years in vain. I simply don't deserve to be living on earth.

Thinking back, I just wanna thank you.. For hurting me and loving me. You gave me so much, made me smile and have been there no matter what. Yet now I am left with nothing but tears. This is how we bid goodbye, with a slap.

I feel like a hurt kitten. Don't come near me because I am afraid. Really scared, lost and terrified.

My life. Emptiness.

Over, period. No more questions and answers.

2007-09-10T22:49:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I last updated. Thanks CF for the nice tags. =P

Lots have happened recently. Let's talk about last night. Zhi Neng and I met up last night and he sent me home in his black Nissan Fair Lady. ^^ It was fun! His silencer was removed so it was a little loud. But I enjoyed the ride.

Recently realised that promises mean a lot. Especially in a relationship. Usually it's the promises that people cannot let go of. Yet sometimes, you just have to break the promises for certain reasons.

I made a promise to someone that I'd never lie to her. But eventually I did. And I didn't mean it. I wanted her to be happy. When we need a backstage in life to remove the mask, we need to find one that's empty. You can't just strip in front of anyone can you? At times when we learn how to treasure someone, that person hardly bothers. And when you've decided to give up, that person eventually starts to treasure you. Will that be too late? When you give your heart to someone, you are not just giving him/her the chance to love you. You are also giving him/her the oppurtunity to break your heart.

And to "her" I just wanna apologise for not being patient enough. I really have limited patience. I owe you alot and I don't know how to make up to it. No doubt you still mean something to me, but it'll never be the same anymore. I'm still worried for you. Since you don't appreciate that, there's nothing that I can do.

I realise that in life, you have to tell some white lies to satisfy people around you. Perhaps they'll be happier.

When I close my eyes, the you that I see will always be the same. "never fails to be there"

2007-08-21T06:36:00.000+08:00

Friends come and go. Even the close friends that you thought would be with you through. But somehow I gained an understanding that friends are fair-weathered.

Have I not been there to face the world with you? Have I not spared a hug or two when you teared? I was there to hold you when you were sacred. But now, where are you when I need you? Didn't we promise to be friends forever? I loved you girl, I did.

There's tears in my eyes now and who's there to wipe it off my cheeks? When I'm feeling so lost and terrified, who's there to lend me a hug or even a shoulder? Everyone have their own problems and affairs. Some were lucky, they had someone by their side to listen to their laments, cheer them up or simply be there. But when I needed a listening ear, I come running to Mr. Blogger again. How much fears have I been hiding? How much pain in me have I been ignoring? I'm tired, just like anyone after running for days. I just wanna fall back and sleep. But who's there to watch the night for me?

I turn to music all the time. I hide my feelings in the world of tunes and no words. I learned to ignore those feelings. Yet when it comes to darkness, I fall right through that pit with no one there to save me.

Everyone have their expectations of me. Everyone is asking me of this and that. And all I ask of is much simpler. I just want some comfort. I cannot run away time and time again. I am losing myself. I've tried to change for the better to meet up all the expectations. It's not easy and I'm tired after such long runs. I just want some support. Not countless words telling me how I should continue to change, putting effort into doing it better as it's not even close to what's asked for.

All the efforts seem to have gone down the drain, the tears are back, the pain is submerged. And my mind needs a break. I have feelings too. I need rests too.

In work, in love and in friends. Everyday I'm striving to live what's asked of me. Not even recognition; instead I'm facing criticizes every now and then. Facing life seems like a chore now. When I try to satisfy one, the other says that I am not doing my things right. When I try to find a win-win situation, I'm being said as not doing anything well. Is this what life have in store for me?

I just want a simple life.

I'm not as good as you think. And I'm not as smart as you think. I'm not as clever as you think I am. Sometimes I don't even comprehend the things that I'm expected to know. But everyone is expecting me to understand, they are looking at me like I'm some genuis that I am not. They think they know me inside out when they know nuts, I have been the one listening and not speaking. Then, who'd know what's going on?

There are times that I put on a front, not wanting anyone to share my burden with me because I know that they have too much for themselves to settle. I have been patient, waiting to be heard. And now I am tired. I have been waiting for nothing. All promises are broken once again. The hopes of having a family.

And the one that was never kept. For the past seven years, all that was said by you. Till this very day, no promises were kept.

I just need someone to understand me and stop giving me false hopes when I believed so much. I know I am not good enough. Don't promise me when you are unsure in the first place.

"up to you to think, I won't wanna say much. Be a better person, period."

The world is crashing down on me. And you won't be here for me.

2007-08-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

Was told to update my blog. Haha, have been really busy. Not even time to be on msn.

Last night was my second attepmt to be a MC at Bukit Merah Central. Had fun, performed on my Guzheng too. Had good feedbacks and was complimented on my guzheng. As for being the MC, it wasn't that good. I thought it was quite bad. But my co-host said I did well for a newcomer and have potential. Nic and Jan came, I had whipped potato too!! It was so nice. I also finished Nic's coke in a few seconds. Was really thirsty and hungry.

After the show, went home and settle my guzheng then headed back to redhill for supper with Nic and Jan. I was dead tired. Nevertheless, laughed alot. Nic actually played with my cosmetics. No doubt she have feminine features but she really look like some bah pok when she had make-up on! Gees, really had a good laugh. She even uploaded the photo in her friendster.

I forgot about my feelings when I saw pain in your eyes.

2007-08-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

It pained to see someone hurting that bad because of you. All I want is her to be a normal and happy person again. 4th August, today, Nic brought me and Jan back together. How long will we be again this time round? I don't wanna think about it. Will we be the same again? I choose to close my eyes and not know.

There are so much that I wanna say. But I'm feel that it's redundant to say anymore. I thought it will never turn out this way and I thought all would be fine. But I was wrong. I seem to be the reason of all the agony.

Is this going to be right? Or am I walking straight into another endless pit? Contradiction filling my mind. I know what exactly that I want. Will it be fair to all parties? Will everyone be happy with this decision that I have made?

Just wish all to be fine. And Jan to get a hold of herself again.

One last chance, and I will never let you back on that track because of me.

2007-07-30T03:25:00.000+08:00

There was this man who had everything going perfect for him. He had a perfect family, a tender caring wife and a daughter who studies hard. He had a five-digit pay a month, living in a luxurious bungalow with a maid and his loving parents.

His daughter wasn't his biological daughter, but he loved her like his own. He educated her and gave her all that she wanted - a father. His daughter calls him "daddy" and she loves him the way she think she will love her own dad. He was there to protect her, guide her and stood up for her when she was being mocked at for being an orphan. He held her hand to the ice-cream parlour. He spent time fetching her to school and teaches her how to handle the new bully in school.

The love that he had from his wife was deep, she loved him like she's never loved no one. She gave him all that she could, she works with him and their total income per month was more than 30 thousand. She was an understanding woman, independent and hardworking at work. At home, she tries to be a good daughter-in-law and a good home-maker. She trusts him and supports him all the time. His wife stood by him throughout the bad times and she never grudged a single word when he was bankrupt.

A man with parents who loves him, gave him all their support, never asks for a single cent extra from him (his wife automatically gives them money on his behalf monthly), loves him and understands him. They gave him the best that they could give, cooks what he likes best whenever he says he'll be home for dinner (even when the maid cooks most of the time) He was the luckiest man that has ever lived. What more can a man ask for?

Nothing. But he was greedy. He wanted more. He wanted more than what he should or could have.

He spoiled everything, he broke the family up.

"Mommy, where did daddy go? When will he be back? Did I do anything wrong?"

2007-07-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

People grow up and wake up from foolishness. I am one of them. I've chosen to walk out of the mess with a smile, it doesn't matter anyway, because I knew it would end this way. No grudges, nothing. Not even a tear. It was just a passing route.

Went Chomps with Cheow Fern and her Lao Gong last night. The STING RAY was nice!! Haha, just love slacking and chilling with Cheow Fern. Hangout till 11.30 last night.

Cf and me

oPPs~!! She went mad. xD

Lovely Dovey?

I'm proud of my photography skills. SO CANDID!

Woke up early for work today, had late lunch at TastyBuds *mmm Yummilicious. Ended work late too, joined my brother at D'zess. Chilled with him till Nic arrives, sang few songs then came home.

I feel as if I've woken up from a dream, dready yet prepared to move on.

I'm craving for chocolate ice-cream and some hugs.

2007-07-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

The rain seems to be falling a little earlier than the previous years, experiencing wet days every now and then. Or is it that everyone is feeling blue?

Sometimes I wish that I can control my heart, yet sometimes, I thought it'll never be wrong to follow my heart's blind guidance. I know, that sounded very contradicting. But anyways, who'll understand, especially when you watch yourself fall into a pit helplessly and cannot do anything about it?

I sat alone in my room, thinking. That voice screamed again, and my phone rang. I received a call from someone I barely known for three days. She have been sticking up with my heels but it somehow got onto my nerves and she delivered some news to me which shocked me quite a bit. Then the voice in me spoke in a calm manner, asking me to hang the call immediately.

Frankly speaking, I admire her courage for approaching me like this. But I cannot seem to walk out of the mess that I am in now. The voice said I should hang on. But my mind said I am a fool. What's to be done? Let alone making the decision, I cannot even think straight. I need the comfort of a hug, I need the warmth of some love. Yet I am poking my nose into that person who will only love her someone else. Aren't I stupid? Do I have a choice? Yes, I do. But will that be what my heart wants? I can never seem to make my heart and mind want the same things.

Don't pry the wound open anymore. Let the wound heal by itself. A scar will be left, but better than nothing.

2007-07-19T04:33:00.000+08:00

There's nothing much to update about. Thanks for reminding me to update cos I've been really lazy. Jasmine dear, I tried calling you at 11:59 kaes!!! Grrr.. Missed it just because you are not in Singapore. *roars.

Currently sitting in front of my desktop. Thinking.. Listening to something, something from me. It used to be a small voice but full of energy. That feeling in me now is unexplainable. The voice says it's right, it's possible, it doesn't matter. Even if it is scandalous. Now the voice is beginning to scream, and it's overwhelming me. The thoughts are eating me up, unknowingly at first.. Now I realise how fast it's getting on me. I'm almost gone..

I just need an answer, something. Anything at all, just a hint even.

Shall I love you, or let you go.

I'm learning to accept the fact. But are you accepting me into your heart?

2007-07-08T17:03:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with Fiona jie on Friday night at PS. Had lots of fun chatting and all. Shopped awhile and I bought the pink shirt at I.P zone!! Took 3 days to consider buying it okay!! =X
After shopping went to a pub at City Plaza to find Hui Ru and Pat.

Stayed there till 2am then head down to MOS to find Joey and friends. CLubbed till MOS closed. OMG I'm so attracted to the way she dances, when she danced with Jo and all.. My.. >.< had supper with Nic and friends after MOS closes. Slacked with her for a very long while, chatting, talking about the past. Lost my handphone, dropped in the cab I guess.

Nothing much happened on my Saturday night, met Nic and friends for supper, went to Changi Village for a ride then went home.

My mom came back from Hong Kong last night, bought some clothes for me. She actually bought me a figure hugging qi pao! Yea, sounds so "retro" uh. But it makes a good evening dress on certain occasions like wedding dinners or D&Ds.

Woken up by my mom early this morning, didn't even have enough sleep. Had lunch with her and walked around Parkway. Came back in the late evening, trying to download 'The L word' but can't seem to find certain episodes. *sob Do any of you have the series? LEND ME!!

Haha, so that's my weekend, gonna meet mommy for dinner later around 8pm.
Haven't been talking to him for a long time. Miss him. But allswell, I'm trying to live life to the fullest.

Will you be the one there for me when I shiver alone at night?

2007-07-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

Went to meet Fiona Jie at TM for lunch yesterday then went shopping. Bought a new dress, a bottom and a few accessories. So happy!! She also did a little make-up for me. Haha, miss the days. *giggles.

Head to town to meet Joey and support her for her debut singing competition in the evening. She really sang well!! I was so engrossed into her song. But she couldn't make it into the next round. I seem more disappointed than her. LOL.

She then went for her dance rehearsal at a dance studio located at the NTUC building called 'O-School'. I tagged along. OMG it was sooooo cool can!! I swear I am mesmerised!! She can sing, she can dance. LOL. Oh yes, the dance studio is very nicely painted with graffiti which reminds me of 4r1 classroom. Was also told that she and her friends danced for Pan Jia Li (Female winner of the first Project Superstar, Kelly Phoon.)

nice? Haha, like the dance moves at the chorus. ^^

Making the best out of what I have. Indulging myself in the happy moments of life.

2007-07-04T10:42:00.000+08:00

Went to Plaza Sing to meet Joey for dinner last night. Had dinner at Manhattan Fish. The seafood platter is not bad. ^^

Went chilling with her and her friends. Had a great time hanging out. :)

Life has to move on somehow. Things don't go my way all the time. I'll just let nature take its course.

Have been sleeping late yet waking up early, for no reason at all, I woke up earlier than I've expected but can't get back to sleep!

Anyway, I made up with Fiona jie jie. Gonna meet her for lunch later on.

Love my Guzheng so much!!

Memories are all that I'll take with me.

2007-07-04T10:13:00.000+08:00

You've changed and I know it.

You win again. And I've lost. Everything is just down the drain.

Miss the old days.

Feeling so empty now.

I'll leave since YOU want me to go so badly.

I love you. But I WILL move on.

It's you whom brought colours into my life. It's also you who taught me to colour it MYSELF.

I will be strong. I'll be fine. I'll miss you though, but I'll learn to forget.

2007-06-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling so crestfallen and devastated now. Why can't it just go on this way? Why must we change the way we are going? Why do I have to keep all these feelings within me and do nothing about it? Is it wrong to be talking to you all day long? Why can't these few days be longer.. Why can't we just be like what we used to be...

I miss the late night talks. I miss telling you the stories. Why do you have to sentence the Queen to death and not let her finish her 1001 stories? That's not how the story should end!

I'm just so confused. Perhaps it's just me. Our relationship has turned one sided. And maybe it has been such a long time. There are so many girls out there that goes crazy over you, that are obsessed into you. But you never realise how upset I was, to even hear you call her right in my presence!

But who am I to get upset anyway? It's all down the drain afterall...

I'm just that foolish girl willing to do anything to salvage that relationship which can never be back again.

I miss my Hunny.

2007-06-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

Time flies. Some incidents in life has passed so long ago. Lovers break up and reconcile. Some remained as strangers. After some time as if fate does not let them apart, made them meet somehow. Will there be fickles too? It's been a long time.. (not my part of the story)

Anyway, love is beautiful. It really is, to see the sparkle in people's eyes, and what love drives people around, those sweet gestures, those adoring things done for each other. The burning sensation felt.... The taste of sugar coated in wine..

The bad thing is that beautiful things don't last and that beautiful looking things can turn out to be deadly. Like recently, in my very first DotA game (yes, I am learning and I have to admit I am a real NOOB) I saw this very beautiful purple light, looked like snow. I apporached it and I had a fright. The light was surrounding this super big monster called the Roshan. Zzz...

Okok.. Stupid example. Shall state another. Look at the stars, they look so beautiful and romantic right? We always hear people saying that they want to pluck one down for their lover. Just imagine, if one of the stars are to fall...... Won't it be the end of Singapore? Asteriod hits SouthEast Asia. Haha.

I'm being sadistic perhaps. Spoiling beautiful things. Or rather, I am getting prepared for facing reality. Two weeks is up and I am dreading the answer.

Yesterday I was sent to the hospital due to an asthma attack. Feeling alright now, still a little feverish and I'm coughing less. Supposed to meet Kun today. But really weak to go anywhere at all. He's falling sick too? Coughing away. Take care uh? Will go over to find you in the morning okay?

I remember that night under the open sky where i fell for you. The feeling is still burning within me.

meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice.
but, falling in love with you is beyond my control.

2007-06-01T19:02:00.000+08:00

Journeys end in lovers' meeting, every wise man's son doth know. -William Shakespere

A chance for romance is not to be squandered even in the sunset of a sweet goodbye.

*~Endless Love~*

~Endless Love~